Yeye Dey Smell

By Ikenga Chronicles February 13, 2016

Yeye Dey Smell

–Nnaemeka Oruh  

The president of Nigeria recently went on foreign media and all but told the entire world that his countrymen are criminals. Citizens from other countries wondered if the man was high on some drugs and freely asked their Nigerian friends the type of weed Nigerians smoke. In Nigeria however, his blinded and obdurate followers were busy saying that his utterances were the best thing since Martin Luther King Junior hollered “I Have A Dream!” The yeye that was supposed to be smelling became well garnished fried rice to his deluded followers. For the majority of Nigerians however, the yeye smelt worse than the shrew.

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Meanwhile, while he was busy condemning his countrymen before the whole world, the budget he submitted at home was busy being unmasked as the most criminal document in the history of Nigeria. Several entries were repeated in the budget, thus making it clear that whoever owns the budget was a criminal. Legally, the “budget of change” is owned by the president, which by extension means that the president is a …(just add “criminal” if you want, I no go use my hand add am before EFCC  talk say na Dasuki give me money for internet bundle).So, the presentation before the foreign media was a case of a criminal speaking out of the ‘fullness of what he has in himself’! That was how yeye smelt so badly that it drowned its owner.

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But the comedy did not stop there. The coach of Nigeria’s national football team, Sunday Oliseh, perhaps borrowing a leaf from the father of the nation, accused his own backroom staff of witchcraft. Oliseh, sounding so much like a two-year old affirmed that his staff possess diabolical powers with which they intend to harm him, and ensure that the Super Eagles (Nigeria’s Male National Football team) do not do well. I was caught mouth open after hearing this news! The yeye too much abeg!

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I should end with a question that I consider the ultimate yeye of all yeyes: “do you know that Nigeria pays Nigeria rent for Aso Rock?” Oh, you didn’t know? Well, the 2016 budget of “change” has a N30.8Million provision for the payment of rent for Aso Rock! You would have thought that you had seen the worst of all yeyes, but you didn’t see this one coming, right?

 

Aso Rent

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