What Nigerian Women Go Through In Their Marriages (2)–Emeka Ugwuonye

By Ikenga Chronicles November 13, 2016

What Nigerian Women Go Through In Their Marriages (2)–Emeka Ugwuonye

Yesterday night, I started to serialize the shocking story of a married woman who went to hell, but managed to escape the worse fire possible. Yesterday, we stopped at the point where the woman’s sister staying in her house confided in her that her husband (brother in law) had been trying to have sex with her by all means.

As we continue this story, you will read about how the man ended up having sustained sexual liaison with the house maid to a point where the house maid almost became the second wife. Now, question is to ask: Why is it that a man could marry a beautiful, intelligent woman, but leave his wife and seek to have have sex with the maid:

She (the woman’s younger sister) begged me to allow her leave my house that she could not face my husband, and also told me she will never come to my house again. This promise, she kept to, till I left his house.

Many other incidents occurred, mainly those that involves domestic violence, bullying, abuses, and fustration. Due to these, I decided to start saving. As to be able to start up my own business. I started slashing the money for food he gave me and started saving, plus the N2,000 he gave me anytime he thought I was loyal and not stubborn. I deprived myself of every thing a lady would want, just to make sure I saved to set myself up.

I wanted to further my education, not sure what the future held for me. I told him but he bluntly refused. He told me it was pointless to go to school when I’ll just end up in the kitchen. I cried and begged him, that my dad was a lecturer before he died, and that I love academics. Yet my pleas fell on deaf ears, until I ran to his father and explain my ordeal to his dad, before his dad called him and told him to allow me go to school and further my studies, but on the agreement that the both of us must go to school together, so that none of us will be better or higher than the other person.

He concurred and we both started our Post Graduate Diploma in university of porthacourt. At the end of our programmes, I had a second class upper while he had some course he failed which warranted him having an extra year. I was qualified to do my masters, and because of this, he refused to pay for my fees for my Msc programme using the excuse that I didnt show him my result for my Post Graduate Diploma exams which as at then, there had not been a hard copy of the results, but a pasted sheet on the department notice board, which everyone went and copied their own results. Of course, this I told him even over the phone, that I had just checked my result and I passed and so was qualified to go for my masters. I still tried so hard to pay for my Msc, plus assistance gotten from my siblings and my mom who was doing business at d time. While running my programme in school, I left home most times in d morning, and came back in the afternoons any day I had classes.

I noticed anytime he knew I went to school (because of course I must give detailed account of my movements for the day to him) he would call me and call me on d phone to monitor my movement and know when I was close to home. In the end, he will tell me” I love you” which usually felt so strange, beacuse it was unlike him. But I’ll respond in affirmative ” I love you too Huni”. By the time I get home, I’ll find my maid at home with my baby doing one thing or the other, without suspecting anything. Mind you, we lived in a compound to ourselves, and didnt have neighbours in the said compound so nobody saw nor knew any movement in and outside the compound, except for the security guy. Not until one day, my security man came to me with a sober face. Telling me in his own words ” my mummy, good afternoon. U know say you be my mommy for this land? My mama wey born me dey nasarawa, and here wey I dey, you dey look me as mama dey look pikin. So if anything do you for this house, e go affect me”. I asked him what happened? Why you dey talk like this? He said” ma, every time u comot go school, oga come back house. Him and your maid go dey inside, wetin them dey do, my eye no fit take am. And I notice say every time, once oga drive comot, e no go tey, you come back. Sometimes e no go reach 10 minutes, u come back” WOOOOOOOWWWW!!!!!!!! I said. He pleaded anonymity and asked me not to call his name dat I should be diplomatic about it.

But that he just thought to tell me because I’ve been good to him. I thanked him, and set my plans in motion. I did everything possible to catch them…… It was not just possible… He was just to smart for me. One day he came home at night and was praising the maid on how well she took care of our son when we were out. That he came home that afternoon and met the girl with my boy, that he was touched he dashed her 5,000k. I said wooooo…. 5,000? How much is her salary? How much do u give me your wife that u will give a maid 5,000? And I thought I told you to always give me anything, ranging from her salary to gifts, to give her? Why would you give her that amount of money without passing it through me? ( I knew he’s very randy and very manipulative, which necessitated these concerns of mine. Not like I had issues with him giving the girl gifts nor money or whatsoever. But I know him and know what he is capable of).

So I watched the girl for 3 days to know if she would tell me about the money. She didn’t, until I asked her and she gave me a flimsy story about how she forgot. I asked her so my hubby gave you a huge sum of 5,000? You forgot to tell me? Wow! Okay. So I started crossing the T’s and dotting d I’s with the information I had already gotten from my security aboki. The girls attitude started changing drastically. She started rubbing shoulders with me. Onetime, I searched her room, and noticed she had bought her own carton of indomie and provisions even when I had almost a truck load of foodstuffs and provisions in the pantry. And I’m not the type that hoarded food nor held on to food. The only warning I usually have was do not waste. You must take what you can finish. Everybody that came to my house knew me for that. You can’t waste my food at all. Still, she had d nerves to go buy her own provisions and kept in her room. I noticed she bought perfumes, new pants, makeup, cream, etc. Ha! From salary of 10k then? This still was doting to my aboki’ revelations.

I still kept mute, wishing to catch them red handed, still no way. The day I tried to meet my hubby at home that afternoon, as the girl came to open the door for me as I knocked, my hubby was in our room forming sleep. Deep sleep. I could not start asking what wasn’t obvious. I just asked him why he was home that afternoon, and he said he got tired at work and decided to come home to rest. My son was sleeping in his room, while the girl formed watching TV in the living room. There was nothing to hold on to, even though the atmosphere seemed strange. I still kept quiet.

Long before now, there was a time my childhood friend in the U.S was getting married and sent us all her supporting documents to show she actually invited us for the wedding. We went to the embassy, I, my husband and my then one year son. The girl was with us too at my aunt’s house in lekki, where they gave me and my hubby a room, and my maid a room too. We endded up staying in the house for six weeks, for the whole of that six weeks, not for one day did my hubby touch me at night to ask me, ” babe how far ?” NEVER!!!!! Secondly, when we got to the Embassy, of course, we had filled all the necessary documents with supporting documents to prove. Where I claimed to the one of the directors of “our company”… As I had thought. Him beingthe CEO. When we got to the Embassy, the interviewer asked us few questions and flipped though the company documents. The lady noticed that in the board of directors page, where my name was supposed to be, my hubby purposely ommitted my middle name and used initial of another letter, which didnt correspond with the name on my passport. The interviewer spotted this out and said I wasn’t the same person. Because what was on the document didn’t tally with the name on my international passport. But my son’s name which was also in the company document was well and fully spelt. Please note… that when we registered this company, we had not had a child yet, but we already had a convenient name for the child if it were a boy. So in most of our documents, we included his name even before he came to existence. So, my son’s name was fully spelt, while mine was ommitted or misspelt, I don’t even know the word to use for it. We were denied visa! I looked at him with tears in my eyes, asking him why? If this was the reason he always hammered to me that any day I wanted to leave the house, I should bear in mind that I will not get a penny? He didnt answer me.

It was a day before we were to go back to Porthacourt, I called him in the see hours of the morning and spoke to him calmly. Telling him my observation with the turn of events in this six weeks we have been here. How glaring it was he had the mind to cheat me in this marriage. I also talked about how our love life was whack. In Porthacourt, you would give me excuse of how tiring work was. We’ve been here for six weeks and not for one day did you ever try to make love to me. That I only beg you because I want to have my children. Not because I feel so randy or that I so need it. Well, that I’m going back to Porthacourt with a different mindset. I will never ever ask you for sex again. I’ll only tell you about my ovulation days. Whatever you like you do. No problem. I’m too young and beautiful to beg you for sex…. I told him.

He promises to change, but this was what I was used to hearing, and so we went back. Life continued as usual but I started getting very cautious, not until my aboki gave me that information. So fast forward….. As the girl’s attitude deteriorated so bad that one day she did something and I raised my voice at her, all through my shouting, my hubby was in his room and never came out, not you too I told the girl, that your cup is full, so no problem. My hubby ran out asking me what happened? I didnt answer him, and when I did, I asked him why it was when I told the girl that her cup was full he came out? He should not ask me please. By this time, I was in my second trimester for my second child whose conception was also another miracle. He left me and went back inside. The next day suprised me, the girl came to me to apologise for what happened. I said ok no problem. This was on a Sunday.

On Monday, as my hubby went to work, I told the girl to pack her bags, everything, I paid her her salary and dropped her at the park. Called her family to please expect her at home. And gave her transport. I was done! At night when hubby came back, he started calling out her name to get something for him, I had to cook up a lie, that the girls family called from home that her mom fell ill and she got the call and went hysterical. That I had to allow her travel to go see her mom. I noticed he came to me severally to ask me if I’ve called the girl to know how her mom is and all that? The kind of care he never showed my own family? I asked him after he had met me like three times. Why are you so interested? When my mom was sick you never asked. So why are you so interested in my maid’s mother? I guess he realised and kept quiet. THIS WAS THE BEGINNING OF MY WORST AND FINAL NIGHTMARE IN HIS HOUSE!!!!! That was when the whole thing started glaring to me in my face.

First I noticed he started cooking his meals, telling me not to worry nor stress myself that I was pregnant and needed rest. Ha. Meanwhile, all the while, I cook for the house. Nobody cooks for me. Soups, stews, and all the setious foods I personally prepare them. Then I can ask my maid to either boil rice or make swallow, boil yam, indomie, fry egg or any of those simple fast foods. So as the girl left, it dawned on me that my hubby had been eating those fast foods more lately. Because normally, I ask him what he wants to eat before I prepare. Because I can prepare and he will tell me he didn’t feel like it, then I’ll start again to proper something else. So I normally ask him. So I noticed he has been asking for those fast foods of recent, which I would tell the girl to prepare, then I’ll go dish and serve him. As the girl left, my hubby in the guise of caring for my pregnant self, started entering the kitchen to make fast food for himself. Ha! Even when I insist, he would say no no I should not bother. Not until about 2 weeks later my mom brought one veeeeeery dirty n ugly looking girl from the village to replace the other maid, all hell let LOOSE! My hubby saw the girl and asked for what was happening? I said the other girl wasn’t coming back as her mom was really ill. He said lailai, that it’s who he knows that will take care of his son! Huh? Your son or our son?

When it dawned on him that the other girl want coming back anymore, wahala started. By then I was about 7-8 months pregnant. He started accusing me of being a witch. My mother being a witch and a juju woman. That we want to kill him but we won’t succeed. He asked me about some persons that called me often on my phone and it dawned on me that when he’s away at work, every detail of what transpired at home, that girl gave him. Even to calls I received. My phone could be on the table whereas I’m a bit far, she would run to get the phone for me, not knowing she had taken note of the name of the caller and jotted down. My mom would come to my house sometimes and I will open my pantry and give her some foodstuffs. That was when I deciphered why my hubby lately, went to market by himself and bought things in minute quantity. There was nothing again in the pantry. He complained of how my mom will come to the house and pack maggi, salt, rice and yam. Ha! How did he know? He confronted me with so many things that happened when he wasn’t even around. Hmmmmm. My pressures started rising. The pressure was unbearable. He swore never to give me his money again. That I’m a witch. I want to kill him. That anything I want to eat, I should tell him he will send gateman to buy me fast food. I cried my heart out.

I did everything to please him by still using my own money to cook and serve him. I’ll beg him to eat, sometimes he will pity me but tell me to eat it first before he will eat. After I called the attention of his father who came to the house and he spoke to us. I told him how I went stark naked by midnight one day with bible in my hand crying and sweeping to my hubby. If I’ve ever gone anywhere to do something to harm him, as he claimed my house help told him, let me die on the day of my delivery. Otherwise that I married and loves him with all my heart, yet he decided to make my words against that of people including my maid that he didnt know from anywhere, that God will judge him. His father told him to change that what he was doing wasn’t right. He complained of how my mom will come to take food stuffs from the house, but his father scolded him that if God has blessed you why won’t you be a blessing to others? His dad spoke to him and I thought he Went soft that day. Afterwards, if I cook, he will pour one oil in one small bottle inside the food to eat, or he will call my son to eat if I insisted that I didnt have appetite to eat as I was pregnant. My son will eat and he will wait for about 10mins before he will start eating. Ha! This was fight for me.

There was no love anymore. He started to find points and faults in everything I did, fought me hard that I started bleeding and had threatened miscarriage. I told him I saw blood one morning and what he told me Was that it’s only penal thrusting, that can cause bleeding so that I should check myself, because the last time he checked he touched me was the day I was confirmed to be ovulating according to me, meanwhile I was 7-8 months pregnant. Hmmmmmm. I cried and called my elder sister who called him and shouted at him to take me to the hospital immediately. We got to the hospital and was sent for scan and it was found out that the baby was distressed and my blood pressure was unnecessarily high, so the white doctor placed me on bed rest. The next question he asked the doctor was” pls doctor, what could be the cause of this bleeding?


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