An Unexpected Journey Through Sex, Shame & Love

By Ikenga Chronicles February 18, 2018

An Unexpected Journey Through Sex, Shame & Love

Seven months ago, I gave up my career as a psychoanalyst and energy healer to do…absolutely nothing.
I wanted to see what would happen in the space of just being, unattached to any role, without pursuing any goals. I wanted to feel what space felt like and what would emerge there if I didn’t try to define it—or myself—so quickly.

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I had fantasies of course—one of which was to dive more into my body, to embrace more fully my femininity, to unleash my sexuality. I had visions of raw sexual desire, animalistic experiences cutting through any inhibitions and unresolved shame that was still there. I was on a path, ready to meet her: the lioness, free to feel and express herself, yet also the master of her queendom, knowing her power so well, she could unleash it to create anything she imagined, while destroying nothing without intention.

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And so here I am.

Seven months later…just at the beginning, really, of the rest of my life. What emerged during this time were six men and a lot of short poems. But these weren’t about raw sexual experiences demonstrating how unlimited my sexuality could be, how far I could go, and with how many different people I could explore all the different angles of my fantasies. No, I’ve just begun the journey into that forest, an adolescent girl blooming into a woman, just beginning to get a sense of the landscape, the smells, the textures, the paths.

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What happened instead (quite the opposite of my amateur pornographic fantasies) was a journey into my vulnerability.

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My body slowed me down to teach me that my feminine and sexual power is much more nuanced than unleashing into a space of raw desire. That if I wanted to be fully sexual in an…

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