Understanding And Coping With The Black American Woman

By Dr. Ozodi Osuji May 31, 2020

Understanding And Coping With The Black American Woman

Both men and women are vain but they manifest their vanity differently. Generally, men posit ideas on what constitutes social accomplishment and pursue them and to the extent that they believe that they have attained them they feel socially seen by other men as important and they feel important.  If they do not attain what their society considers important benchmarks of accomplishment men tend to feel unimportant, like they are failures. Power, money and prestige are some of the things that men seek.

Women, on the other hand, were prevented by men from seeking social, political power and prestige and thus tend to use other ways to attain their desire for ego importance. In the extant world we all can see that most women tend to gratify their vanity by seeking men and women to see their bodies as beautiful and object of desire.

If a woman is physically beautiful and most men desire her body she tends to feel as if she has social worth. Those women who are plain and or are ugly and are not desired by men and women tend to feel undesired and generally have less social and personal worth. 

What I just said about men and women applies across the board regardless of race. White women, black women and Asian women all seek admiration of their bodies as a condition for their sense of social importance; men seek worth through wealth, social and political accomplishments.

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In North America (USA and Canada), generally, white flesh is deemed preferable to black flesh. White women are deemed more beautiful and desirable by the male society. In effect, black women are deemed less desirable.

To seem desirable, black women do their best to seem to meet the attributes of white women, such as straighten their hair, bleach their skins and so on; most black women want to look like white women (while doing so, of course, they deny what they are doing).

Black men, by and large, tend to admire black women with straight hair, not the wooly hair that they have naturally. In the ghettos of North America fair complexioned black women tend to have better opportunities attracting black male attention than strictly black skinned women. A fair complexioned black woman is more likely to be married than a dark-complexioned black woman. Indeed, black men tend to want their children fair complexioned.

(I have made a lot of general statements, stereotypes; in every general situation are exceptions.)

In North America (and up to a point in Africa and elsewhere) black women’s vanity was attacked by America’s preference of white color to black color. Black women are angry at been diminished in social worth; each of them deals with that social diminishment in her own way. In fact, how a black woman handles the issue of color largely determines her character.

Some black women are so angry at what they believe that white society did to them that they could easily kill black men they see hanging out with white women (their enemies). 

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Within the group, darker colored black women resent light skinned black women; the rivalry between these women is thick.

If you are a black man in America you must understand the angst of the black woman and handle it gently; you must thread gently or the sisters would bite off your head.

Certainly, if you are seen hanging out with white women you might as well forget all kinds of social rewards. Barack Obama, a person of mixed race, hence fair complexioned married a strictly negro, dark complexioned black woman. He is loved by black women for doing so for he makes them seem to have value and worth in their men’s eyes.

They say that hell has no fury like a woman scorned. White America and the contemporary world ruled by white values scorned black women and black women are furious, albeit suppressed rage.

I was married to a white woman and know from experience the level of animosity black women extended to me. Nevertheless, I did not quite understand the degree of this hatred until yesterday.

At Facebook I have this elderly black woman friend (she is 81 years old). She posts stuff at Facebook that I do not like but by and large I keep quiet about them.

Three days ago, she posted stuff on the white cop killing of a black man, George Floyd, at Minneapolis, Minnesota USA. I responded to her write up with a simple question.

“I said one understands that there are many black youth gangs, such as Bloods and Crips, so how come those do not go after white folks who kill black folks, such as Tyrone Martin and now George Floyd, how come they only kill their fellow black folks?”

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Monday, May 25, was Memorial Day and we all expected a blood bath in South Chicago, South Los Angeles, South Boston, North East Washington DC etc. as black youth gangs murder each other as if they are at battle fields. Since they apparently enjoy killing folks why not direct their killing to those who kill blacks? I see George Zimmerman still at Fox News justifying killing a black boy but I do not see black street warriors doing to him what he did to their younger brother. Why this anomaly? That was my question.

The elderly black women in question went ballistic telling me that in Nigeria Boko Haram kill Igbos and other non-Muslim Nigerians, that Nigerian politicians are essentially thugs using their goon squads to kill people so as to stay in power, that black on black killing is not restricted to North America.

Her observation is defensive of her ego that felt attacked by my question yet she is correct; so, I did not respond to her rather lengthy verbal vituperative response. I let it pass.

She did not answer my question but merely restated it in a different form: why do black folks kill black folks but not their obvious oppressors, white folks? She is obviously uncomfortable with the possible answer to that question: black folks are cowards!

Yesterday, May 29, 2020 the same woman posted at Facebook a video by some young black man urging blacks not to do anything in response to the killing at Minneapolis, that such action was a waste of time. The man said that what would follow is the usual charade of setting up commissions of inquiry, finding that there is racism in America and that no one would try to solve the problem. The young man asked his followers to give up on America and, instead, return to Africa; he told them to go buy lands in Africa and make a new beginning in a place where they are accepted and respected and not the target of white supremacists.

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I decided to ask a question. My question was: “Is this man’s solution, return to Africa, not an escapist solution, which is not a solution? Black Americans helped build America so why should they abandon America and return to Africa? If anyone needs to leave America it is white folks, they should return to Europe.”

Later in the day, the black lady in question wrote many paragraphs of diatribe against my person. She called me every name one hears folks called in the ghettos. I am supposed to be a self-hating Uncle Tom who fled Africa and instead live in the USA, what the hell am I doing in the USA, I am supposed to hate and loath my black skin (and she has her hair conked, never mind). I am supposed to be sick because I see some good in America.

America is totally evil, she said. She said that she had read some of my writing in which I tried to see some good in white folks and reminded me that I was once married to a  white woman (how did she know about that…apparently, these people do personal research on folks they see at Facebook).

The lady went on and on talking about me that I wondered whether she lost her mind. If she was in my presence, I would have evaluated her for possible Bipolar Affective Disorder, who probably was in the manic phase of that mood disorder hence her florid, word salad and other senseless utterances. I would have recommended that she be given anti mania and anti-psychotic medications (a good dose of Lithium or Depakote and Haldol or Zyprexa or Risperdal would calm down her worked up body).

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I am not in a position to do anything about her agitated outburst. Instead, I pondered whatever I did that could have triggered her melt down, and possible psychotic decompensation.

I asked questions that made it seem like she is a contributor to her fate and not the total victim that she would like to think that she is.

Here are facts. Black folks kill each other and blame it on white folks. As we talk, they are killing each other in Africa and blame it on whites, colonialism and neo-colonialism; in North America their inner-city domains are battle fields and they blame it on white folks who brought drugs into the hood.

Listen up, I see the role played by white folks’ but how about the role played by black folks? Why are your kids taking drugs? Can kids be raised not to take drug? I do not even know what drugs look like because neither of my parents smoked or did drugs.

No one in his right mind would minimize the effect of racism and slavery in the life of black folks. Be that as it may, blacks play some roles in their dreadful situation. They must take personal responsibility for what they do and correct those and not just blame all the woes of their lives on white folks.

Apparently, my questions led this elderly black woman to experience cognitive dissonance. She felt cognitive conflict. All her life she had easy thinking, blaming whatever is wrong in her life and in the lives of black folks on white folks. I urged her to look at the role she and black folks play in their fate.

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Did she do her best to prevent her children from doing drugs, stealing and becoming jailbirds? Or was she busy doing what Franklyn Frazier(See his Negro Middle Class)  called the Black Middle Class neurosis, black folks wearing expensive clothes, driving  fancy cars and masquerading around as important persons, while contributing nothing of value to middle class America, and, worse, not spending money to train their children and blaming their subsequent failures on  white folks.

In Black Skin and White Mask, Franz Fanon talked about negroes pretending to like their black skins while doing everything to seem like they have white skins.

In the Autobiography of Malcolm X, Malcolm talked about how he was black and proud while straightening his hair for it to look like white hair.

James Brown yelled I am black and proud while conking his hair.  This mama claiming to be black and proud conks her hair!

Society plays roles in our behaviors but the little we have control over we must manipulate. The elderly lady in question probably felt that I blamed her for the dreadful fate of black Americans and simply dumped her frustrations on me.

Everything that she said about me does not apply to me. She does not know me from Adam. She saw something in her, weak character, denied it and projected it to me.  She wanted me to take responsibility for her obvious infantile emotional status.

She has external locus of authority, that is sees external persons and events as determining her life as opposed to those with internal locus of authority that believe that they are in charge of what happens to them in life.

Developmentally, she is about eight years old; emotionally, she is not an adult at all. Educationally, she is stock at about sixth grade education and does not reason like someone with even secondary school education (her vocabulary and grammar, I must say is good; she wrote in complete sentences, not ebony stuff).

I took her verbal abuse calmly but made a note to try to understand why she felt a need to literally assault me with her wicked mouth (she could kill for a woman who said what she said to me is probably  a potential killer…she probably has been in and out of prisons, perhaps even killed a person?).

This woman probably has antisocial personality disorder (rule out sociopath and or psychopath); she probably does not feel guilt or remorse from stepping on other people’s feet, or from taking what does not belong to her.

I suspect that she is a criminal, certainly her thinking and behavior showed criminal thinking pattern…always blaming other people for one’s woes sets them up to be attacked, even killed to make one feel that one is not responsible for one’s horrible fate.

She is a coward, a talker not a doer; if she took her gospel of return to Africa seriously, she would have returned to Africa instead of living at Ohio while asking other people to return to Africa. 

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Actually, she does not have to return to Africa and abandon America; the entire world belongs to all humanity and one has a right to live wherever one wants to live.

I have a right to live in Africa, Europe, Asia and America. You cannot tell me not to do so and if you do you are merely acting as a predatory, territorial animal demarcating your territory with arms; only fear would lead me to cede an inch of this world to you; courage requires me to tell you that the entire world belongs to all of us and so let us share it and make the most of it.

This verbally abusive woman needs psychiatric emergency intervention but it is rather too late to recommend psychotherapy for her, so, let us do the next best thing that we can do: learn from her stunted and arrested emotional development.


White Europeans enslaved Africans and colonized them and at the moment through neocolonialism rule and make a mess of Africa. Whereas all of Africa’s problems are not due to the evil machinations of Europe but a large portion of them are.

In North America white folks rule the roost and Africans are shunted into inner city ghettos where their lives are circumscribed by what white folks want them to do and if they step out of line they are shot at and often jailed or killed by the white occupation police in their ghettos. 

Having acknowledged the role of the metropolis in the periphery, one asks the question: why don’t black folks in Africa and in America fight their white oppressors? Instead, they take out their frustration and anger at their fellow black folks.

The answer is that they are afraid of their white oppressors. They think that if they act out that since their white oppressors are mostly psychopaths who do not hesitate in killing people and in fact enjoy killing people that they would kill them (see Bobby Wright, the Psychopathic racial personality). To avoid been killed blacks in Africa, and as slaves in America go along with their white oppressors and instead displace their anger at their fellow blacks.

They say if a boss abuses a worker and the worker is afraid of been fired from his job, he does not fight his boss and then go home to displace his anger at his wife and family members, abuse them. Displacement of anger is one of the twelve ego defense mechanisms, the rest are repression, suppression, denial, displacement, projection, rationalization, fantasy, avoidance, pride, shame, guilt, fear, anger, minimizing, reaction-formation, sublimation etc.; look them up.

Black folks in Africa and the Americas do not fight their oppressors, white folks because they are afraid of been killed; they are cowards. They kill those who cannot fight back, their fellow black folks.

In Africa they tolerate the thugs that pretend to rule them instead of mobilizing and going out there and fighting them and if needs be getting killed and those left alive live as free men.

The tree of Liberty is watered with patriots’ blood. Get up and fight your oppressor and do not kill your fellow black is the message.

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Black men who do not fight their real oppressors have self-contempt and easily channel their self-loathing to their fellow black folks.

The elderly black woman who dumped her anger at me feels self-loathing because all her life she tolerated white folks fucking black women, sending their children to jails and generally abusing them and did nothing to stop the abuse. She projected her self-loathing to me.

 In Eldridge Cleaver’s book, Soul on Ice, she is Lazarus and is dead and needs to be resurrected by somebody, herself.


One fully understands black women’s angst from being seen as not as good as women of other colors. One is also adult enough to realize that color does not make a person.

All human beings are the same and coequal. There is absolutely no difference between blacks, whites and Asians. Because they are all the same only social conventions prevent them from socializing and intermarrying.

It was racism that restricted marriage to one’s so-called race. As those social conventions fall people will marry whoever they get along with and can live with. Race will no longer be a consideration in marriage.

You cannot because your men marry folks from other races and that makes you less desirable then dictate that your men should not marry folks from other races. That desire on your part is dictatorial; no one made you a decider of who marries whom.

 You only have the right to choose who you marry but cannot choose for other people. Grow up and deal with reality and do not tell other people who to marry.

Talking about contributions to the black race, take a look at black men who made seminal contributions to the race’s struggle for racial equality; they including Olaudah Equiano, Richard Wright and Franz Fanon. They were married to white women!

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One is not advocating interracial marriage or opposing it but merely stating that some persons married to folks from outside their race made seminal contributions to their race.

In the world of arts, think about Alexander Duma, Beethoven and Pushkin; they were all persons of mixed white and black race; no one has contributed to their fields more than they did.

Listen, marry who you want to and have the courage to marry and stop being a coward; you cannot change reality and make it what you want it to be; accommodate reality and flow with the wind; don’t only take refuge in your so-called race while trying to prevent those who have the courage to step outside their so-called race.

There is only one human race, homo-sapiens; deal with that reality and stop shaking your weak hands at the sun.


I wondered where a pathetic elderly woman got the idea that I loathe myself. I got it. In some of my writings I made it crystal clear that the real self is not the ego and its body but spirit; I noted that enlightened persons, such as Buddha and Jesus Christ rejected their egos and bodies and accentuated their spirits.

Spirit is not in form; it transcends body and ego. This dense woman probably read into that philosophical stance her crazy belief that I hate myself.

In her America people are judged only by their bodies and egos; the typical American identifies only with his body and ego, is narcissistic but does not transcend those and seek spiritual aspects of our being. 

Self-realization means rejection of one’s body and ego and accepting one’s spirit real self. This benighted woman saw my saying that I reject the physical aspect of me as my rejection my black body.

Of course, I reject black and white body and ego and accept me only as a spiritual being. I am not at the mere animal status of evolution where she sees her body as all she is and her ego, her enslaver as who she is.

If only the women realize the joy of transcending the ego and body and living at the spiritual level. Unbeknown to them the human body to some people is filthy and something that revolts them and they only desire spiritual things.

This woman is too low evolutionally to be bothered with but is only useful in that she gives one the opportunity to understand the mind of stunted human beings operating at animal level of evolution, Americans.