The Truth Behind why I had an Affair

By Ikenga Chronicles February 13, 2018

The Truth Behind why I had an Affair

My ex-husband fell in love with an outgoing, self-confident, passionate, and independent 20-year-old.
He fell in love with my childhood mask.

I came from your typical broken home. Domestic violence, divorce, infidelity, and secrets were hidden behind a flashy picture of wealth. He grew up in a grounded, middle-class family where vacations took precedence over new cars.

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My eccentric nature and off-the-wall antics kept him on his toes. Five years my senior, he embodied the stability absent from my life. With a moral compass in one hand and a secret life in the other, it was only a matter of time before my shadow would eclipse the light of the girl he thought he knew. I couldn’t have warned him because the truth was that at the time, I didn’t realize how deeply scarred I was.

I had lived my whole life feeling oddly stranded: in my childhood household, in school, in my marriage, and in my body. My escape came in the form of a quick fix or temporary high. My daddy issues, eating disorder, and depression proved to be a triple threat no amount of love, green juice, or meditation could balance. Walking the domesticated, straight-and-narrow line was like trying to hold a beach ball under water.

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Throughout the marriage, we both dueled with my demons, and just as I had done in my childhood family, I unknowingly crept into the role of the identified patient, taking on the pain of my family unit. We both naively believed if we could just figure out what the hell was wrong with me, all other issues were bound to magically disappear.

We had a life most people pray for, yet I moved in and out of depression and anxiety while remaining empty inside. I wanted to be someone for him that I felt incapable of…

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