The Unarguable Truth About Sex

By Ikenga Chronicles January 6, 2017

The Unarguable Truth About Sex

Feeling more physical sensation and emotion in sex increases fulfillment—especially for women.

Yet we often shy away from the most intense sensations in sex, or shy away from saying and doing things that will cause us and our partners to feel more.

Why do we do this?

 I remember a personal growth teacher of mine decades ago teaching me about relationship experts Gay and Katie Hendrick’s concept of “the unarguable truth.” Being a fiery woman prone to both passion and arguments, this communication concept changed my life because it provided me with a way to talk about my experiences that was far less confusing and infuriating for everyone.

Here’s how it works: the unarguable truth involves speaking about our personal experiences in a way which can not be argued—the literal thoughts, feelings, emotions, and sensations we feel in our bodies in real time.

The arguable truth, in contrast, consists predominantly of our interpretation of our thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations. Arguable vs. unarguable is the difference between, “You really screwed that project up,” and, “After I heard the results, I felt a clenching in my chest.”

In one case, I’m making a value judgement and an interpretation. My interpretation could very well be wrong. Who can say for certain that you screwed the project up? Perhaps that was, in fact, the best possible result. Some of our most important innovations have come from horrendous mistakes, after all. My limited perception can only see so far. My perception and interpretation is also often vasty different than yours.

Speaking arguably adds value judgements that may or may not be true. For example: “This relationship is never going to work because you keep screwing it up,” is not the best opener for a meaningful relationship dialogue—unless I’m looking for a fight…



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