The Man Died!

By Ikenga Chronicles January 21, 2019

The Man Died!

—Onyemaechi Ogbunwezeh

My entreaties on these journeys have always been, that you send those fairies of light; those fairest of celestial beauty and grace, to accompany my goings and comings! I have always asked you to arm my tongue with the convictions to make words dance at my command, and ears to tingle at my words. You know my destination, you All Seeing Eye.

It is heaven.

Everyone want to go to heaven. I have always granted to each his own. I don’t know where their heaven is. I only know mine. As a disciple of Little-finger, the portals to my own beatific vision is a bit due south of a woman’s head, and a bit north of her knees. Some see it as the central park of that New York that a pretty damsel is. I see it as a center of all tendency. In fact, I realized that Protagoras was wrong in saying that man is the measure of meaning. He never met a beautiful woman. Or he was gay. Which is fine. To each, his own!

It seems you gave ears to the voice of my pleading today. Scarcely did I raise my head to see why the train was late, as the board would reveal, than the epiphany happened!

That smile seduced me! I smiled back. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She knew quite well that I was eating her up with my eyes. She lingered. Took her eyes off. Surveyed the perimeter. Moved a little bit in my direction. I waited with a breath full of anticipation. I held my breath, as she kept approaching.

Those smiles are really out of this world. Amadioha is really kind, I thought.

Such smiles could make your day a thousand times over. It could charm a monk off his habit. Many celibates have surrendered their bonds of celibacy at the sanctuary of such smiles. Many a monk has surrendered his vows at the southern equivalent of those lips. Many a hero have succumbed to those caresses. Mark Anthony and Julius Cesar may have asked their soldiers to slaughter them on top of those bosoms, if they cared to. Ravishing those heavenly delights between Cleopatra’s legs is a heaven for the powerful. Samson became a wiggly-wriggly tragedy in between Deliah’s garden of delights, as those delirium of love carried him away to the portals of death. I could feel the man rise up in me. The South-Station started stirring to life.

It was one of those days. Enterprise took me on its wings across the North of Germany. The belly of the train was where I lived for close to 5 hours. The train was a late. I was cursing the German railways under my breath for making me wait for 6 minutes 45 seconds, under the blistering, biting cold of a merciless winter. The train sauntered in with the oppressive majesty of a technological wonder. When it is early, the train is a majestic sight to behold. The wonders of human hands. When late, it is oppressively Nebukadnezzorial! But in between, a world of things happen. Eyes could be locked in loving embrace. Pockets could be picked by slicky fingers. Numbers could be exchanged for future dates. Umbrellas and bags could be forgotten. A beggar could get a dime. A Police man could arrest a thief. A conductor could update the itinerary. It is a world where things happen in seconds.

She kept approaching me. I was swallowing my saliva, forming sentences in my head, and rearranging my opening gambits.

She continued her approach. She was alone and with a cache of luggage. She turned around briefly to pull one of her luggage closer.


That behind was majestic!

As she put one leg on top of the other, in my direction with a constant beat, I couldn’t help but notice this disheveled guy that has been loitering around me the whole time. He was distracting my concentration the whole time. And he has been smiling like a guy who smoked expired weed. I moved a step away so that this beauty that smiled at me from a distance, would know that I was not traveling with a guy who seemed to have rushed his last bong before coming out here to do what I neither know the head or tail of.

The weight of her baggage was still troubling her continued advance towards me. It gave me all the time I needed. I summoned Amadioha to give ear to my supplications today. I needed those gifts of his. Cold was intent on killing his son in Obodo Oyibo. And I was hoping that Amadioha would smile on my predicament today.

I swallowed my saliva!

Two steps to me is what remains! She kept coming. I could hear my heart trying to explode in my chest. She kept coming.

I kept smiling like I was auditioning for a Colgate commercial. She never stopped smiling! I never took my eyes of her and her movements. I could swear that she was indulging me.

She kept coming!

I moved a bit north, so that she could cross the doped guy I was trying to lose, so that she could see me clearly and walk up to me.

I have prepared my pitch. It is either I catch this meat today or we die trying. This sharp Naija guy is not about to give up on anything. After all, she has already smiled at me. The first ice has been broken.

I waited. She kept coming. That was when a kind of irritation hit my throat. I kept clearing my throat so that my hello, when I say it would be crispy, masculine and confident.

I was there waiting for her to reach me, when all of a sudden, she stopped before the doped guy.

Before I could clear my throat to say hello, that guy loitering around like an un-propitiated spirit rushed to plant a kiss on her lips; and guffawed, “hi babe!”

The man died!

You cannot even imagine what I did after that!