The Best New Year’s Resolution for Your Sex Life

By Ikenga Chronicles January 2, 2017

This year, I will take my sexual fulfillment seriously.

However far-fetched most of our resolutions may be, the new year is our annual opportunity to want something and go big in the wildest dreams department.

Better sex never used to be on my list—and it wasn’t on any of my girlfriends’ lists, either. I never once had a girlfriend say, “This new year, my resolution is to start having radically fulfilling sex and skyrocket my sex life!”

And I never once replied, “Yes, me too! This is the year I’m going to feel confident, turned on, alive, and satisfied.”

Instead we would say, “Let’s go to Paris! I’m going to lose five pounds. This year: six figures.”

These were not only the typical and sensible resolutions to have—they were also honestly the only ones I could think of.

I find it heartbreaking that given the opportunity to shoot the moon at that magical stroke of midnight, I never used to consider radically fulfilling sex—for me, not just for my partner—a worthwhile resolution.

For decades I treated my sexual fulfillment as an afterthought. It came second to all the other self-improvements I thought were more important—and more effective at filling that dark void of longing inside my soul. You know, the one that aches for something more profound and meaningful, and that we try to fill with more ice cream.

I was never sure exactly what that “longing” inside was asking for. I had run through all the flavors of Ben and Jerry’s, and still…my inner thirst for something better, deeper, and more fulfilling went unquenched.

I never once considered that my sexual fulfillment lacking. I didn’t occur to me that pleasure and arousal were vital for my health and happiness. I had mistaken sexual fulfillment for…

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