The Best Explanation of Cheating I have ever Heard

By Ikenga Chronicles November 9, 2018

The Best Explanation of Cheating I have ever Heard

— Elyane Youssef

“I love my wife/husband; we are best friends and happy together, but I am having an affair.”

This is what renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel has heard over the years from the couples she has closely worked with.

It appears to me that infidelity isn’t only associated with bad relationships. As Perel has witnessed, happy relationships and marriages are also vulnerable to disloyalty.

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Betrayal hurts badly, whether it happens in a happy relationship or an unhappy one. And though reasons differ, we can’t possibly delineate the real motives behind why people cheat; everyone is different. Add to that, modern technology has made cheating easier than ever before through swift communication and easy pursuit.

I’ve personally pondered this topic a multitude of times. I know people who have betrayed their partners and others who have been betrayed. I myself have suffered the consequences of infidelity when I was in a relationship with someone who betrayed me multiple times. That said, I know how tough it is to seek an answer, and sadly, the only answer that the betrayed one comes up with is that they’re the problem.

The Church And The Divorced Woman: Holy Hypocrisy

I lost count of the times I blamed myself whenever my former partner strayed. It eventually lowered my self-esteem and kept me away from relationships for three consecutive years.

Unfulfilled relationships and personal problems might lead people to betray their lovers. However, a new reason emerged when I recently watched a TED talk by Esther Perel, the therapist who has worked with multiple couples who have experienced the cost of infidelity.

While we think that infidelity might be the end-product of a bad relationship or a bad partner, Perel offers a theory that shatters all our preconceived notions.

The False Triumvirate of Love, Sex & Relationships

What Perel explains is that affairs are neither about the betrayed one nor their relationship. Rather, it’s…

READ MORE: The Best Explanation of Cheating I have ever Heard.