The Root Causes of Infidelity

By Ikenga Chronicles September 10, 2017

The Root Causes of Infidelity

“Betrayal is so emotionally charged because the act of betrayal violates a couple’s core agreement—the promise to care for each other and keep each other safe.” ~ Dr. Carla Marie Greco
You did nothing wrong—nothing at all.

You didn’t drive him away. You didn’t suffocate her.

You didn’t under-perform in the bedroom or become boring overnight.

You didn’t drive him to it with your insecurities or fears that you may have projected onto him. And it wasn’t that you didn’t give her enough attention, if that’s what makes you believe that the woman you love was perfectly justified sleeping with another man.

You can wrack your brain for hours on end, sometimes even years, and you won’t ever be able to figure it out, make sense of it, or pinpoint what you did wrong. Because it had nothing to do with you.

People don’t cheat because of anything we do or don’t do.

They cheat because of themselves. Their stuff. Not ours.

People cheat for a variety of reasons. They cheat because of their ego and the need to feel desired by another human being. They cheat because they’re bored with their lives and having an affair is exciting and makes them feel alive again.

They cheat because they have low self-esteem and getting someone in a committed relationship to choose them over the person they’re with validates that they’re lovable. That there is something so special about them that this person is sneaking out on their lover or spouse to spend time with them.

We cheat because the person we’re with isn’t filling our empty holes and that’s what we expect them to do. When we’re unhappy, we often have the unrealistic expectation that the person we’re in a relationship with should fix that. When they don’t and someone new comes into…