Monopoly of Guilt

By Ikenga Chronicles September 28, 2019

Monopoly of Guilt

–By Onyemaechi Ogbunwezeh

Drunkenness never excuses the fatal errors of a chicken, frolicking in territories conquered by a hungry hawk.

Amadioha is wise!

Ogbuefi Mouse, was even mandated, never to embark on the deadly mission of chewing out Mr. Dibia’s bag, no matter how seductively fishy it smelt. Giving a ferocious Dibia a feeble excuse to curse you, is not a move favored by any aspiration to longevity.

I didn’t say he was drunk.

He wasn’t.

At least, he didn’t stink like he was indulging. I guess, it just boils down to the fact that some people are notoriously ill-equipped with the wisdom, to discern how not to look for trouble; as well as whose trouble not to seek.

A lot of people have this erroneous impression, that every black man, is fair game, or a toilet, where they can defecate their polite racisms, couched in silly politeness. I am not woke. But my eyes are open and my bullshit antenna is hypersensitive to crap!

You saw a Black man, very busy minding his business. And your madness decided that this is the inglorious toilet, where you believe you can throw you neo-feudal, supremacist nonsense couched as politeness, around.

I cannot fathom, what inspires such neurotic rush into a situation that would be the immolation of one’s ego.

What am I even thinking? Did legend not have it that Mbe nwaniga once decided to toga-up, to wade across that exact pond, which swallowed Enyi the elephant?

But hubris is a bastard. It impregnates the ego, with an atrocious overestimation of its emptiness. It is dangerously ignorant of it’s bounds. And that is its greatest weakness.

“Where are you from? He asked with that kind of braggadocio, that makes you wanna kick some ass.

No Good morning. No how are you. Just „where are you from“?

I thought for a second! Shook my head and boldy drawled;


Oh! he guffawed!

Yea! I said, You?

United States!


I have met such characters a lot of times in airport halls across the world. They are not bad willed. But they are terribly non-reflecting.

“Nigerians having been sending me letters, claiming to be princes with huge fortunes they wanna share with me”

Ok, I said!

I have always hated those, who think that others have a monopoly on guilt.

Are you a prince too? The ass asked me!

I thank Amadioha that I resisted the temptation to retort; are you a moron too?

No I am not. I replied politely, with my teeth clenched waiting for a wrong move to chew him out. I was still formulating the request I would be tabling before Amadioha, for the kind of thunder that would fire this guy, when an inner voice said to me: just let this guy ramble!

I listened! Keeping my mouth shut!

So do you live here? Yes I do!

Well Africans are moving out of their countries and going to all these places to scam people!!

I waited a second! Then the dam broke!

I said:

“I think that there are a whole library of presumption in your statement. 80 percent of the thoughts informing that statement are provincial in its insightful ignorance, while 20 percent are atrociously stereotypical.

I wouldn’t think that Bernie Maddoff is an African. I wouldn’t also think that Mr. Ponzi himself was black. Halliburton was not owned by black people. Donald Trump selling his Trump University is not African, is he? Wall street is not a street in an African country, is it?

“I am sorry mate, I didn’t mean to upset you!

No you didn’t upset me, I said. I was just explaining to you the way I saw it.

But he pulled a counter on me, which got me thinking. Yes, in America, crooks go to jail. But corruption is all over the place in Africa.

I got mad again!! I wanted to vomit. But only words were coming out.

Pentagon couldn’t account for 21 trillion dollars that it has consumed.

Is that corruption?

Richard Nixon was impeached for ?

Donald Trump is being followed around by corruption, as flies follow feaces.

Blagoyevic went to jail for ?

Sorry man, you know I am not quite interested in politics you know. But you seem quite knowledgeable, he guffawed!

I ignored that tongue in cheek!

Alright man, have a good one he said!

Ciao, I replied!

He disappeared into the crowd seeking their various gates and exits.

My mind swung into that aggressive thinking mode that marks every descent of mine from the mountains of anger.

The Nigerian prince, is the archetype of crookedness in contemporary Western imaginary. This is borne on the wings of the discovery of the monetary potentials of the internet in the early 1990s, by a Nigerian youth population plagued by unemployment. That was also coupled with that ancient discovery that the greed of many a dishonest man transcends race, tongue and people and nation.

Business centers sprang up everywhere then, across Nigeria. The youth went to work discovering the depths and potentialities of the internet.

So the youths started fishing in dishonesty waters. In no time, they began reeling in the big fishes. Don’t forget that only dishonest fishes swim in dishonest waters.

The dishonest fishes were reeled and gutted by those smart fishers of men and dollars. It was a capital flow from those metropoles that stole Africa blind.

Most of those kids may not have had reparations in mind, while they were charming many a dishonest westerner off his or her dollars. But the dollars flowing anti-clockwise to the direction it used to, felt that way. It was the same capital flight that the a Western countries were inflicting on Africa using the WTO and every other neo-colonial tool. The only difference is that these kids were reeling in peanuts in comparison to the trillions of dollars that the Bretton Woods institutions and their landlords are skimming off the African continent.

I was then marveled by the genius of these yahoo boys. Not that I am venerating their dishonesties. No. I am only in awe of their talents and potentials.

That seems not to be the case everywhere. My awe for them was a dread in some other quarters. I wouldn’t be caught by a yahoo scheme since I scarcely swim in dishonest waters.

The yahoo boys started to hit the big bucks. They started taking more than the owners could ignore. Western governments became alarmed at the stupid nature of the schemes, some of their citizens were falling for. And the billions of dollars, which the scam artists are cumulatively reeling in annually.

They start arm twisting the governments of those countries, where those scams originated to stamp it out or face their sanctions.

It was at this time that Obasanjo became Nigeria’s president in 2009! The United States government then financed the establishment of EFCC, designed to help the US stamp out this menace that is revealing the undeodorized asses of many Americans.

Till date, the dogs at the EFCC are busy hounding and even extorting genuine yahoo boys, and terrorizing every other person they want to terrorize using that allegation as a pretext to justify their extortion.

Today, many suspected yahoo boys are in jail awaiting trial.

But is that the right thing for a country like Nigeria to be doing?

I asked myself; what would you do if you catch a yahoo boy, and you were to be in charge of the EFCC?

I thought long and hard about this, until I came to those hills of realization, where every cloud of unknowing is cleared away. 
I said, if I have the powers to do anything, you know what I would do?

I will give him a job! He is smart. He can package shit so good as to sell it. He can convince people to buy a castle built in the air. He is a good marketer. I will deploy him to selling castles built not in the air. I would create a whole marketing agency around him. He doesn’t need to show me a certificate. His actions certified his competence.

But the EFCC and the Police are hounding them and arresting them. I guess it is because the EFCC is just an organization of brutes without vision. It is a neocolonial hammer created to assuage the hurt feelings of Euro-America, who are ashamed that they could be beaten in their own dishonest games, by a people they believe are subhuman.

When the FBI arrests a hacker that is good, they give him a job to teach them that trade and his tricks. When Nigeria’s EFCC arrests these computer savy marketers of non-existing dreams, they destroy them.

This shows you that the trouble with Nigeria is the inability to think. It is strategic myopia. It is visionlessness. And this visionlessness is in power. That is our tragedy.