How to Understand & Control our Sex Drive

By Ikenga Chronicles January 14, 2017

To penguins or pandas, dogs or dolphins, the sex act is simple: genitals meet and greet, and orgasm results…or doesn’t.

But it isn’t nearly that simple for us. Sex is fraught with meaning and quickly eludes our ability to understand.

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I had decided that we wouldn’t have sex. I had my reasons for making that decision, but as we lay cuddling, my reasons melted away: her touch, her smell, the feeling of her lips against mine brought out the wild passionate lover in me.

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The desire to have sex comes from deep primal aspects of ourselves. It has to do with our biology and physiology, and if that isn’t enough, it swoops in like a tornado reeking havoc with our best laid plans, best interest and common sense.

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We inflate the importance of sex, imagining that we can’t live without it—that it is key to our satisfaction, relationships and well being. But when it comes to sex, it might be better if we just accept that we don’t really know sex at all. There is relief in admitting that we are powerless when it comes to our sexual desires, and that is the first step to gaining some influence over them.

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Sex isn’t unique.

We treat sex like it is totally unique, unlike tennis, golf, eating or ironing. It is somehow much more important than anything else we do. It is alternately embarrassing, demanding, the holy grail and an ethical dilemma. But it isn’t any of these unless we make it so.

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Sex is a physical act imbued by us with supernatural powers.

Sex with the “wrong” person breaks up marriages; even sex with the right person in the wrong place is taboo.

Maybe it isn’t really even sex that we desire. Perhaps it is closeness with another person or acceptance. Sex is never…


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