I Got Myself A Man (Episode 3)

By Ikenga Chronicles January 2, 2018

I Got Myself A Man (Episode 3)

Mama knew she sounded like a twittery little flirt when she demanded to hear more about Nathan. She couldn’t help herself. She was excited about our discussion on bringing home a man for the second time in four years. The first was Uwem.

Uwem was one of those men you’d describe as ‘perfect’. I mean, he was perfect to me, I loved him. I try not to see the imperfections whenever I am dating someone.

We broke up a few days to our introduction. He wanted me to resign from the company and be a full time house wife. And when I disagreed, he threatened to breakup our relationship. And that was how it ended, just like the rest of them all.

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He told his friends he’d fallen for someone else and had callously decided to dump me. And few months later, just after I had tried to recover from the heartbreak, he’d wedded my childhood best friend Dumebi in Calabar. Dumebi was supposed to be my chief bridesmaid if I had married that idiot. I always knew she was a snitch, but I never knew she was going to betray me like she did to the rest of our friends when we were in the university.

As memories of the past faded, and I realized I was sitting in front of mama, just a day to the family reunion, she held my hands excitedly and said “Tell me about this Nathan boy.”

I watched her laugh vanish into a smile and I saw small white lines appear beside her mouth.

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“He is a cool guy from Cross River.”

“Oh thank You Jesus! Has he proposed yet?” Her voice was impatient.

“No. He must not propose yet mama. We just met,” I said.

“I hope he hasn’t touched you o. You know these men, immediately they see a woman’s panties, they flee far away.”

I smiled very brightly. “We’ve kissed.”

“Kiss?” She asked surprisingly. “You allowed a man you just met to kiss you, Inam? When will you learn your lessons? That is how the rest kissed and left.”

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“Don’t remind me of my past mama.”

“I will keep reminding you until you take corrections and take these things seriously. Look at your sister, she got married a virgin.”

“I have heard this line countless times ma. Let me rest with the virginity thing. I am not her.”

Mama stood up immediately and took the kitchen towel from the dinning table. “I am off to the kitchen, when you’re ready, come help me slice the afang leaves for tomorrow.”

I nodded calmly and watched her walk away.

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I couldn’t tell Mama everything that happened between Nathan and I, if I did, I would be literally dead. I didn’t tell her of his height, of what he does for a living, but Nathan and I were going to plan on that when he would be ready to meet mama.


The next day, we were all excited about the family reunion. My sister came with her beautiful children and her husband. Her new baby was so adorable, I held her in my arms and stared at her for moments, while the rest of her siblings played with my handbag and my shoes.

“So tell me Inam, who is this new man that is making you shine like this? I hope he will come and do the right thing before this year runs out o,” my sister said.

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“What are you talking about?” I removed my eyes from her baby and stared at her.

“Mama told me about this Nathan guy, it seems you two didn’t talk much about him.”

“Mama tells you everything, even my secrets. I won’t talk to her about anyone ever again.”

“I am not just anyone sis. I am your sister. Of course she tells me everything.”

“But it’s not right to tell you what we discuss.”

She was mystified. “But why?” She asked.

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“Because it’s not just right,” I said painfully.

“Sorry about that. Mama is our friend. We talk as friends.” She added calmly, then her baby suddenly became cranky.

“She needs breast, bring her to me.” I handed baby to her and watched her cuddle her up before she unzipped the front part of her brassiere and brought out her nipple, fixing it in the baby’s mouth. “My husband and I were planning on introducing you to his friend who lives in Canada. But since you already have someone, I will tell him not to discuss it with him,” she said simply as I fell into a deep laugh.

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“Why do you two think I really need a man? I definitely know it was your idea.”

“Every woman needs a man Inam, let’s not pretend about this. You need a man!”

“Must I be married to own a man to myself?”

This time the pause was lengthy and was followed by giggling from the children.

“We shouldn’t be saying this in front of the children.”

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“Whatever.But please, this should be the last time you and your husband do things without my permission. I will find myself a man. A man who wants me will stay. You, your husband, your Canadian proxy boyfriend, and mama should just leave me alone!”

There was silence everywhere, as the kids stared at us looking bewildered. I thought that for the second time in the course of the conversation, I detected a faint note of uncertainty.