From The Lunatic’s Pad: The Rivers Drama

By Ikenga Chronicles May 4, 2016

‘These Ikwerre people Sef, na only to sell land and to rent house them sabi. Nothing else. Nothing dem sabi again’.

God is amazing though; really amazing; if not, how is it possible for someone with this level of migraine, or even cluster headache be rapping gibberish in the hot sun. Comfortably! Na wa for this mumu boy o!

This Ikwerre people that only know how to sell land produced Omehia, who was replaced by Amaechi, who made Wike minister. They later ‘fell out’ though, and because Wike was the only man strong enough to fight Amaechi– not Dakuku, the pawn brought into this professionally scripted play– the opposing party had to make him their gubernatorial candidate.

Hahahaaaa…. Ndaabari é. That’s how we laugh in Tai. We don’t just ‘lol’. We laugh, end it with a word, and exclaim. There must be God somewhere. Then, the dessert;

At the poll, Dakuku, who was no match for the Rumuepirikom  warlord and had hoped to ride on the assumed strength of the Lion of Ubima, was beaten black and blue (go argue with the Supreme Court). Nyesom ended up as Governor, as he had wished. Amaechi was made minister, as he had prayed.

BREAKING NEWS!
Ikwerre Supreme Council of Traditional Rulers to Reconcile Wike and Amaechi.

End of Breaking News.

Ah, Oga governor, what about the billions of Rivers money you said he stole, the probe, the reports?

Our minister, what about the things you promised to expose? His reliable thieving gene? Or was it all about Power Horse and Louis XIII?

Denouement.
Resolution.
Curtains drawn

Question: What about my Ogoni brothers and other Rivers tribesmen (no be the musicians abeg, you too dey ask questions) who acted as chorus in this classic dramatic piece?

Answer: We are still talking and killing for the broom and umbrella.

‘These Ikwerre people Sef, na only to sell land and to rent house them sabi. Nothing else, nothing them sabi again’.

Someone certainly needs multiple shots (no be gun shots my friend! People dey talk something serious you dey bring your self come out. Everytime you hear “shots”, you go dey think say na gunshots. No be everywhere be …abeg leave me make I talk) of Demerol.

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