From The Lunatic’s Pad: Buhari,The Misfiring Captain

By Ikenga Chronicles October 19, 2016

–Dum Syl Aminikpo

Our captain is not your regular football captain of a 25-member squad. He captains over 150 million people–
the most populous black nation, and the most educated immigrant community in the United States of America.

This is our captain. Our top striker. Our image to the world. But he is gaining
notoriety, not for just errant, but really wild shots.

Let’s see a few examples on the same day.

DW: ‘Nigeria is going through its worst recession for decades, according to your own Bureau of Statistics. You have this Boko Haram insurgency. You have the Niger Delta rebels. Why would German investors invest in a country that has such problems?’

Our Captain: ‘German investors have been in Nigeria long enough, and they have seen so many governments, especially in the last 16 years. There was 16 years of the other party we took over from and eight successive governments, and all this time the German investors have survived it. So, they know a lot of details and they found out about the difference between the previous government and the incoming
government.’

Did you get the last part of the last sentence? Our captain has referred to his more than one year government as ‘incoming’. So technically, our Captain isn’t even in power yet. He’s yet to mount the saddle. Little wonder we are hitting this terrible fall.

Let’s get the next one. The mother of all misfires.

DW: ‘One of your big election pledges was to tackle corruption. This drive has seen you jail judges and police chiefs – even your own former national security adviser. What was the problem, as you saw it, with corruption in Nigeria?’

Our Captain: ‘Well, I think I will tell you what I clearly understand. The foreign
companies, especially oil prospects and development companies, have been in Nigeria for about two generations – 40 years and above and so on. So, they know the environment, they stayed that long, they continue to invest because they know the potential Nigeria has in oil and gas, and the capacity of the people to learn and work hard. That’s why they are still prospecting in Nigeria and so on. The thing that the Nigerian government will do is to secure the environment. If the
environment is not secured, then unfortunately, the investments wouldn’t be coming in.’

Our capito though.
This our captain sef!
What’s he talking about?
What’s he talking about sef.

Suffice to add that our captain is the only one who speaks English and gets the same thing subtitled in English.

 

 

  • Dum Syl Aminikpo is on Twitter as @dumsyl
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