Dear Friends & Family: My Love Life is My Choice—Not Yours

By Ikenga Chronicles March 8, 2017

Dear Friends and Family: I’m breaking up with you.

Actually, I’m breaking up with the me I used to be—someone who was so insecure after my marriage ended that I still looked to other people to tell me who I was.

Back then, I still needed someone else to draw me the boundaries of what my life should look like.

I love each one of you, and I can’t imagine my life without the experiences and smiles we have shared, but something has changed. While I know we will have a million more bellyaching laughs ahead of us, I no longer need you to tell me who I should love.

I realize that I’ve been a mess ever since my marriage came crashing down in rubble and debris. I made a ton of bad choices, and I was floundering—unable to really know what kind of man I need, because I didn’t know who I was.

There was a time when your opinions were the only thing keeping me together. I needed them. I needed you to tell me I was wrong or that I was making a bad choice. I needed you to tell me what decision to make.

But I realized something recently—that girl is no longer here.

While I know that each of you love me and want only the best for me, you really have no idea what my life is like. None of you have had to deal with divorce, separation, loneliness, or even dating as an adult—which is lucky for you, but it also makes it impossible for you to truly understand my situation.

Perhaps I am making a wrong choice, and maybe I will even have my heart broken, but I need to make these choices for myself. I need to follow my heart and


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