Nigerian Fiction Writer, Bura-Bari Nwilo Writes A Funny Letter To A Rat

By Ikenga Chronicles September 22, 2016

Nigerian Fiction Writer, Bura-Bari Nwilo Writes A Funny Letter To A Rat

Nigerian fiction writer, Bura-Bari Nwilo, is ever the mischief maker.When he is not busy writing “serious” fiction, he is on social media, looking for ways to make people forget about whatever hardship they face, and laugh at life. Nwilo who recently released a collection of short stories and flash fiction entitled A Tiny Place Called Happiness (now on www.okadabooks.com) took out time to craft a very funny letter to a naughty rat (don’t we all have those?), which he posted on his Facebook page. Ikenga Chronicles asked nicely and Nwilo gave us the permission to re-publish the letter here. We hope that the rat is on social media, and gets to read Nwilo’s letter.

Have fun!

 

Dear Invincible Rat,
I write to express my tiredness concerning your refusal of death. I am giving up today. You have refused to understand that sometimes, after distracting me with all the yeye noise that you make, that you could lazily come out to a place where I can see your face and decide if you truly are as tough as I perceive. I want to chase and smash your head. Why is it so, that you cannot confront me? Why have you become so narcissistic yet unbearable?
What would it profit you to just stay in a corner and distract me and when I ruffle things, you’d jump down like an actor in an action movie and run to the back of the refrigerator? I have sworn not to set traps or feed you with poison. I wouldn’t want you to rot and I’d have to rearrange my room just to find you out. And when you are caught in a trap, that funny way you’d keep your eyes like someone I am mistreating, oh, no. I don’t want that. I want you to come out and challenge me fiercely and tell me that you are resistant to my broom, the shoes and every other thing I’d probably use against you. That’s how civilised enemies settle dispute. Or wait, we are not enemies. It is my room. I pay the rent, all that you do is to sneak in to hunt. And the things you hunt are mine.
You should show some respect. You should come in humbly, look around, pick whatever works for you and go out without distracting me. I wouldn’t mind. Most of the times you disturb, it is either I am calculating something important, writing something personal or attempting to read something useful. You should take a break from being the source of my distraction when I am home. And who says you can visit me often. Check out my neighbour, Ifeanyi. He has been out of the house for a while. He should have food stuffs. Go there. You can chew on his mattress. You can bring down his box and eat his certificates. You can chew on his clothes. You can chew his soap or whatever works for you.

Why have you picked interest in me, ehn, tell me? Do you have a crush on me; a rat crush? What kind of nonsense is it? Even if you do, you could write me a letter. You could show it more appropriately. You could flip through the books on my table and when you arrive at the page that has what you wish to share with me, you could leave it open. I read signs. I am superstitious. I will get the message.

I am going to believe that you’d read this letter and learn to leave me alone or I shall take a day off, get all the weapons in this world, kneel and pray and then come to kill you.

This letter was written to clarify things – I am not taking it lightly anymore. I am not a fan of your playfulness in my room. You are a mess. You mess up my mind. You distract me and your scratches are not even rhythmic. They are just silly and annoying.

Get ready for war!

From the one who would celebrate your death soon

 

  • Nwilo is on Twitter as @BuraBariNwilo
653 views
  • Kendzi

    Hahahahaa! Whimsically creative and funny . . . I enjoyed this

  • SADDUMM

    Ifeanyi may decide to cut short his stay at where ever he has travelled to and Bura may get more fight that he prepared for. Eat his certificates. I’m sure Burma may not be able to borrow salt from him again when he returns. Lol

  • SADDUMM

    Ifeanyi may decide to cut short his stay at where ever he has travelled to and Bura may get more fight than he prepared for. Eat his certificates! I’m sure Bura may not be able to borrow salt from him again when he returns. Lol